When I went shopping today…
I didn’t expect to have anything to say so soon after my last post, but today when I went shopping, a few things happened.
My sister and I were on our way to the pharmacy/chemist’s to get medication for mum (who has a terrible itch, possibly caused by the shingles she had several years ago). There was this guy who had messy hair and was walking with two girls (and possibly a third one, trailing behind). He was smoking something what wasn’t tobacco, because I know that smell. Anyway, I had a slight headache and after I breathed in the cloud of smoke he was generating, my headache was gone. 😉
A few other things happened, but I’m not sure any of it would be of interest to my (potential) readers. For instance, while I was waiting outside the pharmacy/chemist’s three little boys ran past, one of them only about four years old. I thought, three boys would really be a bit much. Just then the youngest boy smiled very sweetly at me. So I thought, maybe just one…
I also happened to see a rather unusual little dog (with a young couple). It’s probably a Miniature English Bull Terrier (like the one on the right in the pic below, except I think this one is a male, so a bit bigger).
Miniature Bull Terrier
She began to sniff in my direction, so I said ‘can you feel the doggy smell from me’? The young people holding her leash said a few words to me, but seemed rather giggly and not really interested in talking. Then an older girl (mid-twenties, maybe) came back to claim her dog. I think she was the older sister of the first girl. We got to talking about pets. It was actually quite nice and totally unexpected in this town. When they left, the older girl said bye to me, which has to be a first. People don’t TALK to each other in this town, at least not to us. Except for the poor beggars. I can’t believe I’m even mentioning that. Two-three years ago there were no beggars in Sweden, at least not in smaller towns. Now there are at least a few even in the tiniest towns/villages. It’s so sad that we rarely have any change, or any cash at all, to give them. We sometimes buy buns or coffee or something when it’s cold, but they really want money, to send home to their children.
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Read more here.
What happened?
Today the sun was shining and it was actually quite warm and not windy at all. Very nice in fact. I hurried out so I wouldn’t miss the sunshine. My mom and I went shopping (groceries, nothing more fun).
That’s when I was hit with depression. By staying indoors for quite a while (except for bringing in the mail, apples etc or hanging the laundry) I’d sort of been in denial. Partially shut myself down. Now it all came back to me. What a pathetic failure I am. What a loser.
At the store we ran into a woman my mom knew from way back. I remember her kids. It was like looking back in time. There he was, that kid (who wasn’t my friend, but I knew him – he lived in our neighbourhood). Except he’s not six years old anymore, with one of those toothless smiles, six-year-olds have. It was the guy’s son. And according to the grandmother there are more grandkids, and she and this boy were going to get them.
Great. This guy, who quite honestly is younger than me, has more than one kid now. Then look at me. Living with my mom. Still struggling to get a degree and later, hopefully, a job. No boyfriend, no kids. Help!
I know many other people are a lot worse off, so I’m ashamed to whine like this, but I just hate myself for failing this badly. The worst part is I’ve never known what to do or rather how to do it, obviously, or I’d have done it years ago. (Close your eyes, take a deep breath. If you can’t even calm down, how are you ever going to straighten out this mess you’ve made of your life?) There. One thing at a time. Sounds easy, doesn’t it? A pity it isn’t, not really.
