They’re here!
The books have been found. Finally! As of yesterday, we have our own copies, well, sort of…
Mom had promised to get a copy for a friend of hers and since she only gets to meet her about once a year these days and that one time is today, we had to give her one of ours, but basically this is it. The first time we get to read our own stories (and a couple of poems) in print.
Strangely enough, it doesn’t feel very magical. Maybe it hasn’t sunk in yet, or maybe it will take more to get that kind of reaction. Like an entire book written by me. That might happen some day. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. 🙂
“My” book
Today, I saw ‘my’ book ‘live’ for the first time. Well, I’d already seen a copy in real life. We had a chance to edit it before the real edition went into print. But now it’s actually available in bookstores. Yay. Ok, it’s not really my book. It’s a book where I’ve contributed two stories and poem. But at least it’s the first time I’ve had anything published on paper.
Original stories
I still haven’t worked on my novel, but I did get ideas for two original stories. At first I thought I was going to be able to start writing right away, the same night. The night, after all, is my favorite time for writing.
But no such luck. Still, I have worked out most of the things that will go into the stories. Plot, characters etc. I guess I just have cold feet. After writing a couple of stories I’ve been happy with, I’m afraid of making a mess of these.
The same is true for my novel, but even more so.
Oh, well. Writing is fun, but reading is necessary too. Fortunately, I have a couple of books I can read.
No inspiration
Suddenly, I lost my inspiration to write. I think I can guess why. Lately I’ve had mood swings. Some nights, I almost cry. In between I feel perfectly ok. Oh, well. Blogging and writing fan fiction can wait. The real problem is that I still haven’t been able to finish my novel, but nothing’s really changed there, so that’s a different problem.
Of course, in the meantime, I still have a couple of other finished books that I’ll submit to a publisher. As long as I can stay cheerful and I’m doing my best with that. Going for walks, even on little outings, looking for cool things to photograph, watching movies, even once or twice a week a tv show I actually like.
Though as far as tv is concerned, this is probably the worst time in a long time. Right now, as far as I know, there’s just one thing worth watching. Don’t get me wrong. I’d complain just as much if there was one or more shows per night, but this is going a little too far in the other direction. No wait, I think Heroes will be back. In that case, I can’t complain.
Erotic writing…?
I just found out that someone from a radio station had left a comment on one of my blogs, asking me to participate in a radio show about erotic writing. Sure, I write some stories that contain some sex, but that’s not my main goal.
I missed my chance, because that stupid site doesn’t send notifications about blog comments. At first I was really disappointed, but then I thought – is that my only chance to get noticed?
The last time someone wanted me to talk about fan fiction/slash I was ruled out because I wasn’t a teenager and because I live too far away from the paper’s readers. Before that, I was interviewed on tv, but it wasn’t because of my writing, it was because of my association with slash. Fair enough. I was happy to provide info about that, since it’s one of my favorite genres.
But – I don’t write very erotic stories. What little sex there is in my writing, can’t be described as ‘erotic’. At least I don’t think so. I want to be noticed because I write interesting, entertaining stories. Because I’m a good writer.
On the other hand, I don’t want to stop writing what I do. I have reasons for every choice I make in the plot and characterization. Besides, if I gave up writing stories with any kind of sexual content, then apparently, no one would bother about me and my writing.
It feels frustrating. I’m never going to be a good erotic writer. That’s not my thing. And clearly, I’m not getting noticed for my writing either. Oh, well, that’s just typical.
Writing Original Fiction Again
But the story didn’t turn out as well as I had hoped. Maybe it was the subject. My idea for the story didn’t cut it. I’ll just have to keep hanging on. Write more original stories, before I can relax again, writing fan fiction.
For a while, i was quite happy with most of my writing. I was on a roll. Now I’ve lost it again, I guess.
If only the creativity returns, hopefully, I’ll have more, interesting ideas that will work. At least I hope so.
Maybe I should look at it another way. I’m getting back into it. This first story was just a warmup. The next will be better, hopefully.
The beta reader who disappeared
Once upon a time, not so very long ago, Tonica actually had a beta reader. It was just one, but it does mean a lot to have at least one other person who reads your stories. Best of all is if this person (ok, let’s be honest here, this girl) knows the fandom the story is set in. If it’s an original story, your beta reader can point out spelling and grammar mistakes. Hopefully.
My beta reader (I won’t name her) simply got tired of it. Got tired of my stories, of me, I don’t know, I guess it was something. It feels really sad not to have any audience at all anymore. Sure one or two visitors still drop in now and again, but almost all of those (the few who do come) stay for a few seconds.
Apparently, I’ve failed to reach the audience. Or my writing has deteriorated. Or the readers have tired of what I’m writing. I really don’t know what the problem is. It almost feels unreal to remember that my homepage – Agri Sublunares – former The Sublunar Fields – former Tonica’s World – once used to bring in hundreds of visitors every week.
My fics are mentioned on some of the great fandom sites. Yes, without me first getting in touch to ask them for a link exchange. Of course I linked to them right away, if I wasn’t already doing that, which I mostly did. Two people have used my fics in their theses.
And now no one wants to look at my stories. It feels a little sad, but I guess that’s how it goes. I was going to make a video podcast (a little movie) and put on the site. If it isn’t too late already. Besides, I was going to make this movie with my beta reader and (what do you call them again, oh, right, I remember now) a friend. Right, never mind.
This post might just as well have been called The readers who disappeared, but that’s enough misery for today. Writing still happens to be my very favorite thing to do in the whole world, closely followed by reading, even if it might sound a little insular to be sitting around, reading my own stories.
Inspiration for fan fiction
What inspires you to write fanfiction? I’ve given it a lot of thought and I’ve come to the conclusion that you need to like the fandom enough, but not too much. Why do I say that? Because if I don’t care at all about the fandom there’s no point in spending time making up stories. It simply won’t happen. There’s nothing to catch my imagination. On the other hand, if I love the series or movie too much, there won’t be anything to add. I won’t be inspired either.
Now what does tend to inspire me? Good characters primarily. If they’re interesting, moving, attractive – or – fascinatingly unpleasant, I guess, then I take more interest than if the characters are badly developed. Of course, I can always develop them more… Their interaction interests me a lot too. And the type of series/movie is important too. For instance, I tend to get inspired to write mystery stories based on cop series and when it’s a sci fi fandom I can widen my choice of plot. In a way, the sky’s the limit. That can be limiting too of course. If anything at all is possible, what could I add to the fandom?
I’ve gone into this elsewhere, but I suppose I could mention it again. One major motivator for writing a fanfic is to resurrect a character who died. Naturally, many people like to pair up characters who don’t normally get to be a couple. That’s usually two men (or two females) but could just as well, at least in my case, be one male one and female (or one female and two males… LOL). I guess I tend to go for the more unusual straight couples (or threesomes…).
Speaking of the type of series. I’ve found that when the atmosphere, the undertext of the series (or movie) doesn’t appeal to me, I’m not inspired. There’s only so much you can do to change the ‘spirit’ of the fandom. Beyond a certain point, it simply won’t be worthwhile.
Why fan fiction?
Why write fan fiction? That’s a question many people ask. In fact, it’s a good question. It all depends on what you’re after really. If you want to be published by a publisher on paper, then obviously writing fan fiction won’t be very helpful. The same applies if you just want to be ‘clever’ and get admired for your writing.
On the other hand, whatever your ultimate goals, writing is always helpful, no matter what kind it is. Some people write journals/diaries etc. Others write ‘practice texts’ that aren’t really useful for anything beyond the actual writing practice you get. Then again, if you find it fun and rewarding, you might as well write fan fiction as anything else.
And there are plenty of people who enjoy this type of writing enormously, either as writers or as readers or both.
So if you have fun using other people’s characters, don’t feel guilty. Fun isn’t bad, it’s good for you. And if you make friends who share the same interests then that’s good too.
There might be reasons why not to write fan fiction or types of fan fiction you might want to stay away from, but those are other topics, to be covered elsewhere.
About being published or rather not being published
I’ve been thinking a bit about being published by a publisher. At the moment that seems to be completely impossible. For me anyway, and for many people like me, who don’t write what’s considered ‘interesting’ right now. And I’m not an immigrant either, which is one criteria publishers go by here in Sweden. Don’t get me wrong. I love reading books by so called ‘immigrants’, though I’m not in the habit of categorizing people according to their country of origin. In any case, I also like to read other things. For me, what’s important is what the book is about, not where the author is from.
Another problem I have is that I write either too long stories, if I wanted to define them as ‘short stories’, or too short if I wanted to define them as novels. I really can’t write anything much shorter than 7000 – 10 000 words. Less wouldn’t be enough to develop plot and characters. It’s just not in me.
On the other hand, I might be able to write a little longer than the novellas/novels for kids that I usually write. In other words, I might be able to write about 70 000. But not that much more. I think I’m a person who writes succinctly, strangely enough, considering the fact that I can’t write what’s defined as ‘short stories’. But that’s probably because I can’t cut the plot short, not that I write lengthy sentences.
For a while, all this was quite depressing, not being able to have a book published by a publisher. Then I realized that it also means I’m free to write what I want. No one will tell me what’s ‘usable’, ‘interesting’, or ‘the current trend’, or whatever those editors say. When they’re not sending out a standard letter, which says loud and clear that they never read my book. They just left it lying around for a while, before returning it to me, if that’s what they do. I’d really appreciate it if they’d left a message on their home pages that they’re not currently receiving scripts from previously unpublished authors. That would be much better than letting you believe they’re actually interested in new scripts, when in fact they’re not. Unless it’s from someone who’s already famous for something.
Perhaps I should sign up for one of those so called ‘reality series’. If I flashed my hmm ‘assets’ I’d become famous and then maybe I’d be published. No, that’s not really my thing, actually. Besides, that’s probably very 90’s, becoming a celebrity just for flashing my ‘assets’. Nowadays, you need to have sex on camera, preferably with someone of the same sex. Shoot. That tore it.
No, I’ll have to find some other way of being published. Perhaps I could publish it myself, then market and sell it on my own. That probably won’t work very well, but what a rush it would be, seeing my own creation as a book. Even if I have to pay for it myself.
