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Nov 24

Never question anyone’s beliefs no matter how silly

Posted on Tuesday, November 24, 2015 in My life, Whining

Today I thought of something that happened some years ago.

I had a friend, who was – well, a lot of things, actually, that I’m not going to go into here, but he was incidentally a little famous for a while, and among other things he was adopted from India.

He told me he came from a hospital run by Mother Teresa. I actually believed that, since he is about, I think – we’ve lost touch – about 38 years old today. That is if his parents were told the correct age for him at the time of adoption (six months). I’ve read that they always pick an age that is as low as possible, to make the child seem more attractive, adoptable and lovable. He could easily have been malnourished and a year old, or even older than that, but I didn’t say anything about that, since what would be the point?

He also told me the reason he had horrible scars on his neck. They were the result of a so called operation against tb. He added with scorn, you know, India in the 1970’s. Well, of course I didn’t, but I find it a little hard to believe that India in general had that level of superstition in the hospitals. I can believe that a superstitious, illiterate person not working for a hospital might have thought an ‘operation’ like that could – I don’t know – release evil spirits? – but not anything connected to anyone with any education. Even in India in the 1970’s. If you’re older than me and know something about India, feel free to correct me, if I’m wrong.

What I got in trouble over, was this:

He also had this quaint little myth about his origins. One of the nurses offered his parents a cute little story about how he came from a maharaja’s harem (against a little extra payment, naturally). His birth mother supposedly died in childbirth and no one wanted to take care of a baby boy whose mother had died. Really? A maharaja would get rid of a son for such a reason? Foolishly, I told him what I was thinking. Knowing what I know now, I would never have said anything about that either.

He didn’t like my suggestion one bit. A bit later – maybe the next day – he called me up and kept me on the phone for hours, scolding me and trying to prove to me that I was wrong and he was right about his past.

Naturally, I didn’t change my mind, and I told him something along those lines afterwards. Mainly something like: I hope you’re feeling better now. And he seemed to get my meaning. Nothing was accomplished, more than me getting pissed off with him and maybe him feeling a little better for standing up for his myth.

So at least I learned something from that incident. Never question anyone’s fundamental beliefs, even in something extremely silly if you’d take the time to analyse the belief.

Nov 24

No more fan fiction for a while

Posted on Tuesday, November 24, 2015 in My life

I may not be writing fan fiction for much longer – for a while, that is. Lately, I’ve been writing so many fanfics and I suppose nothing can go on forever.

As Natalie Imbruglia puts it ‘ My inspiration has run dry”.

Hopefully, though, I will be writing more original fiction for some time ahead. It’s for the best. A couple of months from now I’ll be tied up with something completely different and I also have so many plans for the near future that will need a lot of effort and a bit of luck to implement.

If I can finish all my planned original writing, I’d be really grateful. I’m guessing I won’t be able to get to work on anything major for several years, so the more I can finish now, the better.

Actually, I’ll be glad if I have time to read.

Nov 21

Nice surprise, completely unexpectedly

Posted on Saturday, November 21, 2015 in My life

This afternoon, someone came to our front door, knocking loudly. Considering what we’re used to from that other town, we were terrified. It turns out it was just two of the neighbours, coming to wish us welcome to the new place. They brought a plant in a pot. Now we’ve met all the neighbours out here and they’re all very nice. As are the people in this new town.

It almost makes me cry, thinking we should have moved years ago. Then maybe this wouldn’t have been ‘too little, too late’ for us.

I’d forgotten there were nice people in this world. Damn that other town and above all the people there. I hope they get what they deserve some day.

Nov 10

Spooky

Posted on Tuesday, November 10, 2015 in My life

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned this, but we (very) recently moved into a new house. It’s a bit odd. For instance, there are no doors except to the closets and the basement. Really. The yard isn’t much. There’s mainly just a big pond that I’m not at all keen on and then there are sheds that are too far away from the house. Finally, there’s a sort of veranda that isn’t in good shape. But I don’t want to give you the impression this is a bad house. It isn’t. We could afford it, that’s the main thing and also it’s been newly renovated and looks really nice even if there are a few things not yet working properly.

It’s just a bit scary. Last night we woke up to find the front door standing open, not just unlocked. It felt really creepy. There was no one other than us in the house and my sister was out in the sheds during the day so I’m pretty sure she just forgot to lock the door and the storm opened it, but you know, it was really spooky. We’ve also heard some spooky noises inside the house. Also, there’s this small attic space that we can’t get to from the inside, it’s just visible from the outside. No way are we going to open it up and check if there’s anything inside. I’m not into spooky or creepy, especially not in real life.

As long as nothing more happens, I’ll be fine, but if something does happen I’m not sure I want to stay here. Great. We just bought the house and if we can’t stay here we’ll have to sell it. So I’m really hoping we’ll get used to the noises. I’m sure there’s nothing really wrong here, it’s just an old house that we’re not used to yet.

Nov 6

What were the best things about my dad?

Posted on Friday, November 6, 2015 in My life, Other

Apparently, on Sunday it’s Father’s Day in Sweden. I hadn’t kept up since sadly I lost my dad several years ago. In one of the local papers I found a headline that asked What is/was the best thing/s about your dad? So I thought I’d consider that for a moment.

My first answer is probably that he was quite nice and kind. Many people you meet are sarcastic and rude, but dad was usually very nice. He could tease you a bit, rather like a brother, but other than that I think he was really great.

From my point of view I guess it’s important that we had a lot in common and were quite a lot alike. He loved books and reading, for instance. Like me, he wasn’t very social, but I knew that when I needed help I could count on dad.

He helped me with my maths homework and was the only reason I got the grade I got. Without his help I would have done a lot worse. He drove me pretty much anywhere I needed to go except in later years (or when it wasn’t an outing he considered important). If I was depressed, or worried about something, dad always understood, because he’d been there (in a very similar situation) before and knew what to say to help me feel better.

I have already told my followers about the time I skipped a sports day in high school, because I really didn’t want to spend time playing some kind of ball game with my class mates (who didn’t like me very much and the feeling was mutual). My form mistress (?) who was in charge of that day called to check on why I’d been absent (this was when I was at least 17, so it kind of surprised me). My dad just got back from work and had no idea where I’d spent the day, but I came down the stairs and heard him tell my teacher about my ‘cold’ or ‘headache’ or whatever it was, so obviously he’d needed no prompting at all.

Thanks a lot, dad! There isn’t a day that goes by when I don’t miss you terribly.

Whenever something new happens, like when Apple released the iPad or when we found out that we could ‘buy’ land on the moon or when Google started working on those driverless cars etc, I always think, dad would have loved this. The same goes for the fascinating discoveries on Mars and Pluto and so on. He would really have loved all that.

In a way, it feels as if dad hasn’t left at all. Some days I feel him close by and I hope that he’s able to keep up with all these new interesting discoveries. If so, have fun and enjoy it all, dad. 🙂

Nov 3

Post on Wattpad or not?

Posted on Tuesday, November 3, 2015 in My life, Writing

I’m still considering posting more of my original fiction on Wattpad. The two main drawbacks are getting cover images for all the stories and the fact that I’m having trouble getting my new account to work. I still can’t figure out how a story could go from having six readers to just one without ‘unpublishing’ in between. Oh, well. The mysteries of the internet. I’m sure there’s a ‘secret’ to how you get people to read your stories on Wattpad (apart from the advice the support page gives you). Surely it can’t just be that the people who get many readers have many friends?

My sister tells me that she’s posted her stories on G+ many times, but no one even reads them. When someone else among her circles (?) says he’s maybe going to write a story some time everyone starts commenting that they would love to read it and buy it when it becomes available (or rather if it becomes available). I don’t really get that. When I decide to read something it’s because I think I’ll enjoy reading it, not because I want to stay on the good side of someone I know. Or am I the weird one here? I mean, sure, if a very good friend asked me to beta read something she/he had written, I’d love to help out, but I think that’s different.

Actually, I’m also wondering if I will get any more readers of these stories just because I post them on Wattpad as well as on my own site. Most people who come to my fan fiction (which is also my more ‘adult’) site, seem to be interested in fan fiction, not original fiction. They don’t give any feedback there though. The only feedback I’ve had over the years have been on fan fiction archives like AO3. It’s possible to leave comments on my wordpress homepage so I don’t see why people don’t. I’ve had that site for many more years than I’ve had my account on AO3. Nowadays, people can also ‘like’ posts and pages on my homepage. It’s just that people don’t seem to consider that option at all. Not that they have to. I’m just wondering.

Oct 21

More whining

Posted on Wednesday, October 21, 2015 in My life, Whining

Today I was supposed to go to the new maternity care center (that is in the new town). Though I’m very healthy this time around compared to the last time, I have had quite a run of bad luck when it comes to my appointments at clinics, hospitals and maternity care centers. First of all, it always takes about three weeks to get an appointment. Secondly, the hospital with the specialist maternity care can’t let me sign up as a patient (though apparently they can see me anyway). The last time I was supposed to be going to the ordinary clinic for a checkup of my blood pressure they just canceled on me. I told them they wouldn’t need to bother getting me a new appointment, since I was moving. Except now I’m thinking I might have been too hasty. We can’t get our stuff moved yet (for instance, the moving companies have recently been revealed to be corrupt and potentially dangerous – threatening customers, demanding more money than agreed on). So here I am. Still.

Today, the bus and train company just canceled the train, cheerfully announcing that I was welcome to take the next train (about an hour and a half after my appointment at the maternity care center). So I called them and the rude woman just said, yes, we canceled the train. There was an unspoken ‘so?’ hanging in the air too. No replacement bus, no financial reimbursment (fortunately, I think I managed to rebook the appointment online, but since I haven’t had confirmation I don’t know for sure). Also, I was going to use my bus/train card that I just fill up with money. That is, I hadn’t booked a specific ticket. I can use the money on the card anytime I want.

It makes me so furious. Clearly, their business goal isn’t to transport people, it’s just to make money. Funny though, other businesses need to provide some sort of customer satisfaction, but apparently not this company. Grr.

I don’t know when I’ll be able to get to the new maternity center now. It’s probably going to be at least two-three weeks until I get my next appointment. In the meantime I’m not signed in anywhere as a patient. Also, I will need to get a referral to another hospital, because of my previous health problems. So first an appointment at the maternity care center, then another at the hospital, hopefullly. Fortunately, a doctor at the hospital is taking responsibility for my health, but the appointments are too few and far between. At this time I should probably go every week but I’m getting checkups every other week, or every three weeks instead. Fortunately, so far I’m feeling fine and according to the doctor, I really seem to be.

Oct 6

About tv and channels

Posted on Tuesday, October 6, 2015 in My life, Other, Whining

I hate so called ‘reality series’ (what we in Sweden call ‘docu soaps’), talk shows and game shows. If it was up to me I wouldn’t pay for any ‘tv package’ because it wouldn’t be worth my while. I read the news online and I also watch the few tv series and movies online as well, legally of course. It’s my mom who insists on having a couple of channels – news mostly. Unfortunately, she also watches every single ‘event’, i e charity galas etc. Even more unfortunate is that since we live in the same house it’s impossible for me to escape the noise coming from the tv. Whenever possible, I try to go for a walk so I won’t have to ‘passively’ watch and listen to her shows.

Since I no longer feel it’s worth the money to have tv packages, it’s not such a problem for me personally, but a few years ago, I would have been really happy if the people selling these tv channels to consumers would have let us ‘cherry-pick’ the few channels we wanted, for a higher price, naturally. But no, they force you to pay for ten, twenty or more other channels, that I, for one, would never start. Never even use the settings to save on a certain channel number. So how can they make money from their commercials that I don’t watch, ever? It’s something I’ve never understood.

If I could have my wish, I’d like to see a special ‘channel’ that only had ‘real’ tv, like cop series, science fiction and movies. Not just the so called movie channels that mainly air movies that I’ve never heard of or that are extremely old, but not classics – like from the 1990’s and earlier, and still, it’s not the movies I might like to watch but stuff I’ve never heard of and quite rightly so, because they are probably the ones that both critics and viewers shunned when they first appeared. Whenever I have evaluated a ‘movie channel’ I’ve never heard of the movies included so where do they find this stuff?

Oct 5

About bullying

Posted on Monday, October 5, 2015 in My life, Other

About bullying

At the moment, here in Sweden, there’s a lot of attention focused on bullying in schools. Personally, I was more excluded and ignored than actually bullied, most of the time while I was still in school. The bullying came later. I’m not going to go into that now, because it’s far too painful, but as for my earlier experiences, I have a couple of ideas. Since I have been bullied later in life and was sort of ‘passively bullied’ in school I can easily imagine myself being ‘actively bullied’ as well.

First and easiest:

What I’m wondering is why these kids don’t delete their accounts on social media and get new ones under different names. When I’ve felt stalked and the target of uncomfortable attention online, I have been forced to delete my homepage, delete any accounts in social media etc and started over. How hard can it be? Naturally, I told my real friends where they could find me.

The second idea is this: I know that I’m different and of course that’s one reason why people dislike me so much, but there’s actually an upside to it. If someone had actively bullied me in school it wouldn’t have bothered me in the least having to move to another school and start over. Being who I am, which is also a pessimist, I wouldn’t really believe that would help, but I certainly wouldn’t hesitate to go. Far better to leave the bullies behind and be allowed to finish my schooling in peace.

Finally, and this is the most difficult aspect and the most expensive, but fortunately, most people won’t have to go through it. If the entire family is the target of harassment and bullying, somehow get the parents to agree to move to another town/city.

Yes, I completely agree that it’s a shame that the victim/s should be relocated, but staying stubbornly and suffering is very much like insisting on one’s right to drive first onto a bigger road, even when you’re heading straight for a truck with the breaks out of order. Sure, according to the traffic rules, you were right, but you’d still be dead and crushed if the truck runs into you.

Oct 4

AO3 working properly again

Posted on Sunday, October 4, 2015 in My life, Writing

I just wanted to let you guys know that it seems AO3 is working properly again. Today I got kudos on one (older) story and the message was just like before.

But I still think I’ll be leaving Wattpad. I don’t know how to make that work.

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