Trolleys and trolls
Today, we went to the store to do our weekly shopping. The car isn’t working so we had to pull our little shopping trolleys along. It might not look very cool, but it must be good for the environment and it saves us a lot of money.
The trouble is, wherever we go, there are grumpy old women telling us we’re in the way. Yeah. We’re in the way. Not them with their canes, crutches and walkers. There are also a couple of moms with young children and that troubles me too. I really, really want a baby so seeing others with babies and big bellies upsets me a lot.
From now on, we’re considering doing our shopping at ten in the evening. That’s when we run into a lot of 20- and 30-something singles without kids. For some reason they don’t bother us and we don’t seem to bother them.
Thoughts in the Dark
It’s at night they come, the thoughts I’d rather not have. They whirl around in my mind, so in the end I can’t sleep, no matter how tired I am. It feels as if it’s never been darker, in my room and in my life. Worse, it feels as if it can only get darker and darker, not only because the autumn equinox has passed, but because it feels as if any chances I might have had, have come and gone without me being aware of it, and in any case I missed them.
‘How could you fail at…’
‘If you’d been any better at…, you would have…’
‘What guy would want a girl like you?’
‘Things keep getting worse and worse.’
‘What’s going to happen to…’
‘Everyone else has already…’
That’s how it sounds in my mind, night after night, until daylight comes through the window or I can’t take it anymore and I get up and turn on the light, until I sit down at my computer, or just starts doing anything, whatever, to silence the questions and accusations in my head. Then everything goes quiet, in the light, and maybe, if I get tired enough, in the dark.
Papers or trash?
My mom loves to read the morning papers. The paper editions, not the online versions. Since I’m frequently bored, I usually read them too, but I’m not nearly as enthusiastic. Why? There are several reasons, actually. One: it wastes enormous amounts of paper, kills trees and contributes to the destruction of our forests. Besides, in the morning it’s news, in the evening it’s trash. Another reason is that there are all these supplements. Some – like the one about culture – are fine, but the majority – about cars, buying homes, sports etc – are just trash, right away. Worthless spam that my mom has to pay for. That’s why I really like the online versions better. I get to read what I’m interested in and I can leave the rest. Except for the ads, that slow the site down until they drive me crazy, but that’s another story…
What kind of musician should you marry?
Musician
Singer-Songwriter
Intellectual, Rough, Moderately Glamorous
You want to see your partner popular. You want them to give out autographs. Only, not too popular, not too many autographs. You value intellect too much not to realize the emptiness of superficial popularity. You’d rather tie your life with someone who uses their talent for deep analysis of life and for the expression of their most intimate experiences. You don’t even mind if their singing is not perfect – in fact, you like things a little rough. Plus, you may be absolutely sure that whether things work out great between you or whether you’ll end up fighting bitterly, all those twenty fans will hear about it on the next record of your lover.
Take the quiz here.
Still sore and exhausted
I had to go on another trip down south. This time too, I ended up walking for miles and miles. So just when I was beginning to recover from my first trip, I’m suddenly feeling the same way again. I obviously wasn’t in as good shape as I thought I was, from my daily walks. Time for some powerwalking, I think. As soon as I feel a little better.
A visit to Malmö
Yesterday, I went on a trip to Malmö. I was going to meet a friend of mine. Today, I’m still exhausted and sore all over, because we walked and walked and walked… It feels as if I’ve seen all of Malmö now, but that’s probably not true.
Best of all, we (my sister went along to do some shopping) we found a terrific veggie restaurant. It’s been ages since I last went out to eat. Since I don’t travel that much at the moment, there’s usually no reason to do that.
The food was great, the visit was a lot of fun and it was nice to finally meet my friend face to face.
RIP, L!
The other day, I found out that a friend of mine from school had died. We hadn’t met for years, but I was really upset. It’s so hard to imagine that he’s gone, that I’ll never hear his voice again. Even if we hadn’t met for ages, he was still as real to me as the last time we met. Now I’ll just have to get used to the idea that we’ll never see each other again.
I miss you, L!
People on trains
I went on a little trip again the other day. As far as these quick trips go, it was fine. I was able to leave a little later than usual and still got home before midnight so it was cool.
What wasn’t quite as cool is that a group of other travelers – a big and very tiresome family – ran around and in general made a nuisance of themselves. On the first part of the trip there was no reservation of seats, but this family seemed to think there was and acted accordingly, by running around and basically demanded access to several seats, in fact, practically the entire carriage.
That forced me to tell a seemingly very nice guy to get up and find another seat. The compartment wasn’t full so there was no reason why we shouldn’t just sit where we were, but obviously that obnoxious family did. It made me look bad in front of that guy and I didn’t like it.
Oh, well. Other than that, the trip went fine and though I ended up completely exhausted after traveling all day when it was so hot, I feel good about it. I only wish I’d managed to get some good photos. Maybe next time.
Furious…
I’m furious. Today, my sister went to the job center, and the guy there had the nerve to suggest that she sell her part of our little house. Wtf? Surely that’s not part of his job description. Come to think of it, what is part of his job description, since he obviously can’t help my sister get a job. All those people do is swing the whip for the government. Here in Sweden, only 1-2 % of all jobs come through an employment agency/job center. The rest people have to get for themselves, if they have connections. Needless to say, my family don’t have any connections.
The second thing he said that caused me to fly into a redhot rage was a very personal comment about our mother. She’s retired, but not for health reasons. It’s just that most people here are forced to retire at a certain age (in their 60’s). If she insisted on continuing working, she’d miss out on all her work experience and get paid like a newbie on the work market. He said something like ‘in a couple of years time you’ll have to accept that she’ll get increasingly dependent on you (which is another reason it’s a great idea for you to apply for jobs far away from her) and confused, and won’t be able to deal with things on her own.
I’d like to say, for the record, that in my family, people don’t get that way until they’re somewhere between ninety and a hundred, so he’ll be a doddering old fool a long time before my mom will be, and secondly, again, in what way is personal comments about people’s family members part of his job description?
If I’d been the one to meet this old guy, I don’t think I would have been able to keep quiet. The weird thing is my sister just got sad, not angry, but then again, I guess that’s just me. I get angry first, then sad.
And, by the way, I’m still angry and still thinking of ways to report this creep to someone, but I guess nothing will come of it. I’ll just have to focus on staying calm. Getting this upset won’t get me anywhere.