I posted this message in G+. Even though it’s partly about that community, a lot of what I say is about my life and how I feel.
LEAVING – NOT LEAVING
Some of you might have seen my emotional post about leaving. I really felt what I said yesterday and it’s true that I’ve been thinking of leaving, but for different reasons.
Yesterday it was more about ‘the final straw’. I’ll tell you something about what led up to yesterdays silly post and how I feel right now.
1) Losing a friend. I met a friend years ago (2006) in Second Life. Some of you might not think a virtual friend is important, but to me it was, and I thought it was important to him too. We’ve been chatting almost every day since that time and we know more about each other than our RL friends. Now that friendship is breaking up. I know, people change, but I’ll still miss what we had. Now he claims that I don’t understand, that everything (whatever that is) is my fault and that I’m not caring enough.
2) Changes at work. We’ve gotten the indication that we’ll lose funding. And now, yesterday our boss called a meeting for Tuesday, wanting to “talk about the future”, first in a group meeting and then with each of us. Imagine what a weekend I’ll have, worrying. I come from a very long unemployment and this is my first permanent job ever. Turns out it’s not all that permanent.
3) The final straw. Yesterday two of my “friends” here on G+ told me I was uncaring and selfish. That last one made me snap and brought back all the doubt I’ve had with G+ and that I haven’t been able to fully fit in. And that isn’t typical G+. It always comes down to that – I’m different and I don’t fit in.
All of the above made me think about leaving. Now I’m not sure. I won’t fit in better if I try somewhere else. I just have to accept that I’m different and that I’ll never fully fit in. For now, I’ll take a little break, and if I do decide to delete my account, I promise to tell you in advance.
Thank you all that showed that you cared. You make me feel less alone and sad. Hugs!