Losing someone or perhaps myself

It’s an end of an era in many ways for me. I’ve been really close to a guy for many years. I’ve never met him in RL, only online. He felt like family to me and I think he felt the same way about me.

A few weeks back, suddenly, without any warning he turned on me and said nasty things. He told me he was there for himself, not for anyone else and he couldn’t care less about our friendship. His girlfriend then blocked me on Facebook.

I have no idea what happened and why his girlfriend did what she did. We’ve never had much contact, so how could she hate me that much?

Anyway, I have to learn how to live without my “brother”. I’m not mad at him and actually miss him, but I’m not that needy, so I won’t try to contact him again. If he wants to have any contact, he must be the one to take the first step.

Another change for me is leaving Google plus. I’ve been part of that community for years ever since it started. The reason for me leaving is that I’m being totally ignored there by the Swedish community. It started with a fight I had with one of the other members. To me it seemed like a small thing, a misunderstanding, but suddenly a lot of my friends started to tell me all the things I did wrong. That something must be wrong with me etc. After that outburst from people I called my friends, they stopped interacting with me altogether. I can post things and I won’t get even a plus (like). So now I’m leaving. It breaks my heart, not only because I’ll miss some of my friends there, but mostly because I’m afraid that these things keep happening to me because there actually is something wrong with me.

Apparently it’s never too late

Sometimes something happens that makes me a little happy and today was one of those days. My mum is suffering from macular degeneration and needs to go to the local hospital regularly for treatments. I try to go with her whenever I can.

Today, when I was with her at the hospital, something happened that made me smile, but it also made me a bit envious.

When mum was in the reception she accidentally bumped the container with queue tickets. Suddenly there was this man by her side who picked up the container. He said something nice, but I couldn’t hear what it was. His voice sounded nice and kind. He also looked good and vital for his age.

When we walked towards the elevators, he was there again, the younger man. He gave mum a beautiful smile and he got one from her.

I like the idea that mum can still get that reaction from men, but still I’m wondering – what does she have that I don’t – probably a great figure…