Category: Blog Posts

To belong

I posted this message in G+. Even though it’s partly about that community, a lot of what I say is about my life and how I feel.

LEAVING – NOT LEAVING

Some of you might have seen my emotional post about leaving. I really felt what I said yesterday and it’s true that I’ve been thinking of leaving, but for different reasons.

Yesterday it was more about ‘the final straw’. I’ll tell you something about what led up to yesterdays silly post and how I feel right now.

1) Losing a friend. I met a friend years ago (2006) in Second Life. Some of you might not think a virtual friend is important, but to me it was, and I thought it was important to him too. We’ve been chatting almost every day since that time and we know more about each other than our RL friends. Now that friendship is breaking up. I know, people change, but I’ll still miss what we had. Now he claims that I don’t understand, that everything (whatever that is) is my fault and that I’m not caring enough.

2) Changes at work. We’ve gotten the indication that we’ll lose funding. And now, yesterday our boss called a meeting for Tuesday, wanting to “talk about the future”, first in a group meeting and then with each of us.  Imagine what a weekend I’ll have, worrying. I come from a very long unemployment and this is my first permanent job ever. Turns out it’s not all that permanent.

3) The final straw. Yesterday two of my “friends” here on G+ told me I was uncaring and selfish. That last one made me snap and brought back all the doubt I’ve had with G+ and that I haven’t been able to fully fit in. And that isn’t typical G+. It always comes down to that – I’m different and I don’t fit in.

All of the above made me think about leaving. Now I’m not sure. I won’t fit in better if I try somewhere else. I just have to accept that I’m different and that I’ll never fully fit in. For now, I’ll take a little break, and if I do decide to delete my account, I promise to tell you in advance.

Thank you all that showed that you cared. You make me feel less alone and sad.  Hugs!

BallToday I learned something new and useful. Let me start from the beginning. I am taking a University course and had to visit the library in the next town to pick up a book and to return another one. When I got there, representatives the Student Health Organization were present in the cafeteria to inform about their work.

There were lots of information brochures and some strange balls for stress relief. In the back there was a sign that said you could actually make them yourself. They felt very good to hold and to “knead” and I wanted one myself. Still holding one of the balls, looking for how to make them, a girl stepped up to me asking if I wanted to make one.

I knew I didn’t have much time, so she said she could tell me how to make them and I could take that ball I was holding. In the end I decided I would make time and stay and learn how to make one myself. It was really easy and now I have one to knead when I feel the stress creep up on me. I had so much fun today even though a guy walked by saying his daughter would love that, but that me and that girl from the health organization seemed a bit old for it :). You’re never to old though, to have fun.

Virtual poetry reading

Last night, my sister, my mum and I went to a virtual poetry reading. The guy that was reading, his and works of others, is the multi talented Russell Taylor Ashby – Russell Eponym in Second Life and other virtual worlds. He’s a poet, artist and musician with a beautiful voice. Perhaps I wasn’t as happy about his selection of poetry as I am with his music, but it was still a very nice experience.

Headache

headache

Today it’s especially hard to ignore the real me. I prefer, as some of you may know, the virtual me. I couldn’t go to work today, because of a terrible headache. It might be due to stress, my potential high blood pressure or the new medication I’m starting to take. Either way, it’s tiresome. :(

Can your avatar enter into an agreement with someone?

Some time ago, when I was still unemployed, I tried to keep busy taking small assignments like creating websites. One time I got a bigger job to make some templates for an organization. Some of the templates were for Word. Being an Apple fangirl, I don’t care much for Microsoft. I love Pages and when I need a simple word processor I have a couple of free office suites I can use.

I wasn’t going to pay for the whole Office package so I downloaded the trial version. It was for 30 days and that would be enough for the job. I finished the job and got paid for it. A while after I started to get strange withdrawals from my PayPal account. The company that took my money was Microsoft. I tried to contact PayPal, but they just told me to contact Microsoft. It was out of their hands since I had “signed an agreement” with the company.

I didn’t have any contact information with this branch of Microsoft, since I had never signed anything. I had even stopped using the trial after I had finished the job. Still the withdrawals from my account continued. One day, a VAT invoice came in my mail. Not in my email inbox, but in paper form. The name of the one that had entered into the agreement with Microsoft was one of my Second Life avatars. This avatar, no matter how real I sometime feel that she is, is not a real person. Microsoft obviously thinks she is, but I’m sure no law would support that belief.

With that paper, scanned and emailed, to PayPal, I thought I would have a chance to stop the payments. They got back to me pretty fast. Their reply was strange. Although, they still claimed that everything was right and that we had an agreement, they would be kind enough to pay back the money that was withdrawn from my account. They did, not all, but some of it, so I stopped arguing with them.

I am just wondering what will happen next time my avatar wants to buy something, perhaps something even more expensive, will I be able to stop it? It’s obviously legal to enter inte agreements with digital personas without the owner’s knowledge about it. Or perhaps it’s just Microsoft that claims that right.

Following the Fair path

As a potential phone buyer, you’re never short of negative articles about the iPhone. Apple is a company that people in general love to hate. Even though I’m sure many of the articles are true, I’m just as sure that the articles could just as well have been about other phones. After all, most phones, regardless of brands, are made in the same factories.

And until now, you haven’t been able to buy a phone that doesn’t come with many negative issues regarding how it’s produced, the material used and how the workers are treated. No phone owner (until now) has had a completely clear conscience. It doesn’t matter if you’re using iOS or Android. The producers are using the same materials, the same suppliers and are treating their workers the same.

Since it hasn’t been possible to buy a fair phone, I’ve used iPhones (and a HTC) because it came down to two choices. Either living off grid with no phone or using “the best one” available. I have to admit, I love iPhones (and HTCs 😉 ). So until now, I’ve had a HTC Desire C and an iPhone 4s and I’ve been really happy with them. There’s just been one problem – a big one. I didn’t like how they were produced.

So my latest phone is a Fairphone, this wonderful little gadget that “has everything” you can wish for. The company is treating the workers better than any other phone company. The materials used for producing it are the best available for the environment. I’m starting to get used to the Android OS. It’s actually pretty cool. Of course I still miss my iPhone and the iOS. There are still things I can’t do with my Fairphone, but what I can do is pretty awesome. The best thing about it (apart from the obvious) is that because of the dual sim, I can actually manage with only one phone.

Many thanks to the Fairphone team for helping me keep my conscience clear and still get some of the “good stuff” in life.