Category: Blog Posts

Losing someone or perhaps myself

It’s an end of an era in many ways for me. I’ve been really close to a guy for many years. I’ve never met him in RL, only online. He felt like family to me and I think he felt the same way about me.

A few weeks back, suddenly, without any warning he turned on me and said nasty things. He told me he was there for himself, not for anyone else and he couldn’t care less about our friendship. His girlfriend then blocked me on Facebook.

I have no idea what happened and why his girlfriend did what she did. We’ve never had much contact, so how could she hate me that much?

Anyway, I have to learn how to live without my “brother”. I’m not mad at him and actually miss him, but I’m not that needy, so I won’t try to contact him again. If he wants to have any contact, he must be the one to take the first step.

Another change for me is leaving Google plus. I’ve been part of that community for years ever since it started. The reason for me leaving is that I’m being totally ignored there by the Swedish community. It started with a fight I had with one of the other members. To me it seemed like a small thing, a misunderstanding, but suddenly a lot of my friends started to tell me all the things I did wrong. That something must be wrong with me etc. After that outburst from people I called my friends, they stopped interacting with me altogether. I can post things and I won’t get even a plus (like). So now I’m leaving. It breaks my heart, not only because I’ll miss some of my friends there, but mostly because I’m afraid that these things keep happening to me because there actually is something wrong with me.

Apparently it’s never too late

Sometimes something happens that makes me a little happy and today was one of those days. My mum is suffering from macular degeneration and needs to go to the local hospital regularly for treatments. I try to go with her whenever I can.

Today, when I was with her at the hospital, something happened that made me smile, but it also made me a bit envious.

When mum was in the reception she accidentally bumped the container with queue tickets. Suddenly there was this man by her side who picked up the container. He said something nice, but I couldn’t hear what it was. His voice sounded nice and kind. He also looked good and vital for his age.

When we walked towards the elevators, he was there again, the younger man. He gave mum a beautiful smile and he got one from her.

I like the idea that mum can still get that reaction from men, but still I’m wondering – what does she have that I don’t – probably a great figure…

Tooth problem

This Wednesday, when I was on my way back on the bus, a sharp pain just hit one of my teeth and spread all over that side of the face. A really awful pain. When I got home I tried every pain killer I had, but nothing worked. After a sleepless night, with awful pain, I called the dentist and was able to go there the same day.

He wasn’t able to find anything wrong with my tooth and just sent me home with ‘stronger’ painkillers. Those didn’t help either.

After another sleepless night I went to the doctor. He was able to find a crack in my tooth. To prove it to me, who actually felt the pain all the time, he pressed the tooth really hard and I almost fainted from the pain. Very nice of him – not.

The best thing was that he actually prescribed new pain killers for me, morphine based one, actually work. The only downside to them is that they are giving me a headache. One that I can’t get rid of since I think it wouldn’t be good to mix these strong meds with other meds.

The trip to Riga

gallery1

gallery2

This weekend I went to Riga with my sister Camilla. The reason we went there is related to both our big projects (secret still to some, but some of you know what I mean).

I did like some aspects of Riga even though the whole town had a distinctive and a rather bad smell.

Riga is filled with beautiful and interesting houses and buildings in the Art Nouveau style, a type of architecture I love. Sadly, many of the buildings show sign of decay and I almost felt sorry for the once impressive creations. I really wish that the people of Riga will have time to repair them before it’s too late.

The internet shouldn’t be a big part of a trip, but in a way, to me, it is. It’s a way to keep in touch with family and friends. Before the trip I had read up on the ship we’d travel on and it promised wifi on all decks. In reality though, it was only available in small areas of the ship. One of those areas was at the end of the corridor that was outside our cabin in the room that leads out to the deck and down and up to the deck above and below.

In the evening on the trip back, when Camilla had gone to get some rest, I went out to that room and phoned my mum, through Facetime, to say goodnight. Because the connection was bad I had to stay there for a while and the later in the evening, the creepier it got. Apart from two girls with attached boyfriends everyone present were men. I don’t know where they came from. During the day, most of the people looked ok, but in the evening guys with a criminal look arrived. They undressed me with their eyes, one group walked almost too close to me and said something I didn’t understand and laughed unpleasantly.

When one of the girls was going down the stairs to the clubs, a group of men heading for the lifts stopped and made sexual gestures close to her back. All of this actually made me scared and I went back to the cabin as soon as I could.

I then tried to buy internet time from my phone provider and I got a text message confirming sale, but I wasn’t able to use it at all. Fortunately I got a refund when I got home.

Now I’m just happy to be home again and the wait has started. It will be a long wait, but I hope I’ll be rewarded with a successful result. Wish me luck :).