| Primary Characters: | Dorian, Detective John Kennex |
| Rating: | M |
| Spoilers: | Some |
| Warning: | m/m sex |
| Description: | John starts taking sedatives that make him react in a strange way. They cause an obsession with his partner. One night John gives in to the temptation. |
He never forgot the day Dorian flashed him in the car. When it happened, John had been startled, because the exposure had been so unexpected, even though he shouldn’t have expected Dorian to be exactly like a human to the extent that he understood human social mores. So he had acted shocked and outraged but afterwards the image had lingered in his mind. John wasn’t a gentle, kind or loving man, but he was also not completely ruthless. He knew that if he had wanted to – which he didn’t – he could command Dorian to do just about anything, even what went beyond normal every day behavior. So of course he would not.
The memory kept returning to him in the sleepless nights and when he started taking the sedatives, he began to have flashbacks but also new visions connected with the incident. Only this time, Dorian had removed all his clothing and was lying next to him naked. At first, the visions made John furious. He wasn’t – he had never been even tempted – but when the images kept coming to him he eventually stopped feeling such outrage and began to analyse the phenomenon. Why was he beginning to feel this way?
He was no amateur psychologist and didn’t want to try any of that crap, but he had been disappointed in love by a woman. Dorian was no woman, but neither was he a man, no matter how much he might look like one. John knew that he would still not be comfortable with anyone knowing about his fantasies and that included Dorian, but he was learning to adapt at least in his own mind.
So he allowed himself to consider what it might feel like to touch Dorian’s body. His skin. His – Even to kiss his lips. They looked – kissable. He was wondering if Dorian not only was fully equipped but also fully functional and if he was – would a human dare to –
At times John also considered what Dorian’s reaction would be, because a reaction would be required. The thought of just using a turned off bot was revolting. No, in his fantasies Dorian would at the very least accept his touch and at best – reciprocate. Return his kiss and begin to touch him in his turn. John wondered what it would be really like, because his fantasies often ended in a physical reaction that was very real.
As he raised the dosage of his tranquillizers he became more obsessed with the idea until finally he decided to test it out in reality. If the worst came to the worst he could get Rudy to wipe Dorian’s memory circuits and start over.
So he asked Dorian to come over for a ‘meeting’ to discuss their latest case and when they had exhausted all the topics of conversation, John began to brace himself for the attempt. He should have known Dorian was too expert in reading him to let his unusual behavior pass.
First though, Dorian touched him. For a second John was hoping that this might be a sort of invite. Then he saw the color shift on Dorian’s cheek and he realized Dorian was analysing him.
“What are you doing? I’m not a suspect. Stop that.”
“John, you are not behaving normally. What have you taken?”
“You tell me, since you took it upon yourself to test me.”
“Strong doses of a sedative.”
Dorian mentioned the brand name.
“Too strong doses. John, if you’re not feeling well, you should contact the department doctor.”
“When I want your advice I’ll ask for it.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Just the usual.”
“Very well. I will leave the topic for now, but I urge you to reconsider. Can I ask why you asked me to come here tonight?”
“To discuss the case. Obviously.”
“No, it’s not obvious. We have already discussed this case and closed it. There is nothing more to add. What do you really want?”
You, John thought. I want to touch you. Kiss you. Have sex with you. But he knew that if he said it like that, he would most likely have to call Rudy and have him wipe Dorian’s memory circuits, or at least live with the risk of Dorian mentioning his folly at any time in the future.
“John?”
But the drug was making him do strange things, not calming him down at all. Quite the contrary. At first John wasn’t quite sure if he was just imagining things, having a vision while still awake, but he thought he was leaning over to kiss Dorian. Maybe he did kiss Dorian. It felt every bit as arousing as he’d imagined it would. So he leaned in and deepened the kiss. To his astonishment – and this had to mean he was still just imagining things – Dorian did nothing to stop him. He didn’t move or push his partner away. Just sat there and allowed himself to be kissed. Another possibility occurred to John. He might just be asleep and this meeting no more than a dream. If so, he’d be ok. No one would know.
Then he felt his body react to the real or imagined proximity to Dorian and he moved closer and began to touch Dorian. For a second, he thought he felt a response, the same one he himself was feeling at the exact same moment.
“John. You’re not yourself. This isn’t like you. I should call the department doctor.”
So it was really happening. What an idiot he was.
“John?”
“Yes.”
He pulled back and sat staring in the other direction. This was just – impossible. He could see himself being put on enforced sick leave.
“If you want to kiss me you may, but are you sure you want to have sexual intercourse with me – a bot?”
“Look, I know you’re not a sexbot. I’m sorry. I should have asked first.”
“John, you’re my partner. I – care about you, as much as I’m capable of. If you really want this, I can deal with it. Is that what you want?”
John considered. Not that he had that much choice. In the condition he was now, he knew he wanted it and he also knew that the part of him that knew he would regret it later was weak, almost gone. At the moment this need had the upper hand.
“Yes. I want this.”
“Very well.”
John felt the movements through the couch and turned to face Dorian. His partner had removed his uniform and was now naked beside him.
“Can you – are you capable of -”
“Why don’t you find out?”
WIth a low groan, John leaned over and kissed Dorian again, while he put his hand on his – yes, there was definitely a reaction. He kept touching Dorian as he kissed him, wondering where he wanted to go from here. Then he felt Dorian’s hand begin to reciprocate and he knew exactly what he wanted, if only he dared.
“Dorian, could you -”
He pointed vaguely down to where Dorian’s hand was fast at work touching him, bringing him closer – Incredibly, Dorian appeared to understand and kneeled before him. He had been right, those lips – also, he had had nothing to fear. This was – just the way he liked it. He was reaching climax fast and before he had time to more than exhale, he was done. Dorian remained kneeling, until John fell back in his seat, spent.
“Was that good? Did I do it right?”
“Yes. It was – fantastic.”
Dorian got up, walked over to the sink and found some tissues and wiped his face.
“Good. Then we can do this again some time. But John – ”
“Yes?”
“I still think you need to contact the department doctor. You can’t keep taking those pills. At the doses you’re taking, it’s not safe. If you still need medication, get the proper dosage or you won’t be able to function as a police officer.”
“Oh, fine. I suppose it would be unfair of me to ignore you after this.”
“Yes, it would. If you want to do more, the next time, try to be more – considerate of my wishes.”
John’s eyebrows shot up. Was Dorian asking what he thought he was asking?
“Do you mean – Are you saying you want me to – return the favor?”
“What? No, that won’t be necessary. Unless you want to. I meant treat me with a little more consideration. Don’t always yell at me or shut me up. I really don’t like that. Treat me more like a human.”
“Ok. I’ll try. I’m sorry you think I’ve been so insensitive. Are you sure you don’t want me to – is it possible? Are you capable of – you know -”
“Next time, you’ll have to find out. I’ll have to go now, John, or Rudy will wonder where I am. See you at work.”
“Uh – yes. And – Dorian – not a word to Rudy. I’d never hear the end of it.”
“Of course I won’t. That’s not what humans do, is it? You don’t – kiss and tell?”
“Did Rudy teach you that expression?”
“No, it was in my database of knowledge. Is it the correct expression?”
“Yeah, I suppose so. So, please don’t tell him anything. This is between you and me.”
“Ok, John. Bye.”
“Bye.”
Unbelievable. John still half believed he had imagined the whole thing, but if so – why was he sitting here with his pants down to his ankles and – whatever had happened, some of it had been real. He got up and cleaned himself off then put his pants back on. Dorian was right – if Dorian had even been here – it was late and he had work in the morning. And though it irked him, Dorian was right about the other thing too – he should do something about the dosage. He really was taking too much of the sedatives.
***
It didn’t take Rudy long to discover that something had changed between John Kennex and Dorian. Since Dorian ‘lived’ with Rudy, it was easy to see that Dorian kept spending more nights over at John’s place for no good reason that Rudy could see. Naturally, Dorian wouldn’t have facial expressions such as a human would, so ‘reading’ him wasn’t as easy as it would have been with John, but simply the hours the other two kept had alerted Rudy to the change. Now all he needed to do was find out what the two were up to.
It would have been easy – too easy – just like cheating – to check Dorian’s memory files, but Rudy had long since decided to respect the bots enough not to do that unless they were damaged – ‘injured’ and needed his help. He could quite simply ask Dorian or even John – despite the latter’s notorious bad temper, but Rudy didn’t think he would get a reply at all, far less a truthful one.
For a time, he focused on ‘reading’ John instead. It was plain to see that John had for a few weeks at least been using some kind of medication or drug that had made him even more short-tempered than usual, but also different in other ways. That had to be the starting point. The question was what was he up to. In theory, it could be anything, but to narrow things down, Rudy had decided that whatever it was had to have a direct connection to Dorian. John could be using Dorian’s processing power to work on a case that Rudy wasn’t privy to. It was also possible that John wanted Dorian’s help with something private. The problem was that that was far too much to cover.
So Rudy decided to wait. Sooner or later, someone – most likely John – would give himself away. As it happened, Rudy didn’t have long to wait. One night – far too late to be a reasonable working hour – John took Dorian back to Rudy’s place. Instead of seeing Dorian walk out straight away, he stayed. Rudy found himself watching the car from a relatively short distance – from one of his windows facing the street. Normally, he wouldn’t be out in the hallway at this hour, so he could see that John hadn’t expected any witness.
What puzzled Rudy wasn’t that Dorian didn’t leave the car. Instead, he ducked down below the car window and vanished from sight. It took even Rudy’s sex-crazed mind a moment to figure out what that meant and even then, he had a really hard time believing it. He had always figured John was as straight as he, himself, was. But why else would John have Dorian on the floor? No shots had been fired, no one was injured. Hypothetically, they could have discovered a bug, and Dorian was removing it. Even an explosive device might be within the bounds of possibility, but again, given Dorian’s superior physical abilities and above all, speed, that should have been dealt with in a much shorter time than whatever was going on now.
Then after a while John’s head sort of bounced back in his seat and even from Rudy’s distance, he could see the eyelids fluttering shut. Hardly relief at a bug or explosive device successfully dealt with. No, by now Rudy knew exactly what had just occurred. In fact, with a slightly different companion, Rudy had experienced the same thing exactly only a few months back. So that was it. It didn’t make sense, but it did fit the available facts.
It didn’t take Rudy long to realize he didn’t like it. Dorian wasn’t a thing, an object to be used for personal gratification like that. It was unfair. Dorian had enough of a personality to deserve better. If John had – say – been enamoured of ladies’s shoes, Rudy was pragmatic enough to accept that, as long as John did not steal said shoes from someone. But with someone as sentient as a police bot – it was nowhere near as simple as doing it with some kind of non-sentient object.
Dorian opened the door to the car and got out, said something to John, crossed the road and opened the door and got in. Rudy hastily withdrew back to his place in front of the computer. He had to consider his next move. John would prefer him to keep this knowledge to himself, but in this situation Rudy was far more inclined to sympathise with Dorian. It occurred to Rudy that Dorian, too, might prefer to have this ignored, but – that wouldn’t be fair. Dorian most likely had no idea of what rights or – at least – hypothetical rights – he had. Rudy felt compelled to point that out to Dorian. Otherwise, what kind of a friend would he be?
Dorian entered the room and Rudy looked up, trying to seem surprised, but knowing that he wouldn’t have to try too hard. Sure, Dorian could read human faces, but probably not to the extent that any great acting talents were needed.
”Hey.”
”Hello, Rudy. So you are still up?”
”Yes, you know how it is. Working late?”
There was a pause, then Dorian replied somehow slowly and pensively.
”Yes. John wanted my assistance.”
Not on a certain case. Not ‘assistance with this or that’. Just assistance. Dorian really wasn’t a good liar.
”I see. Did you get anywhere?”
Again there was that pause. A bot shouldn’t need to pause like that, but Dorian – was trying to lie. That could lead to a serious conflict of interest in his subroutines.
Rudy discreetly watched Dorian and thought he could detect a stain of something near the corner of his mouth. With an effort Rudy controlled his facial expression. Ugh.
”We were successful, yes.”
”Oh, good.”
By now, Rudy had thought of something to say, and decided there was nothing to be gained by waiting. He would confront Dorian right away.
”Dorian?”
”Yes? May I help you with something, Rudy?”
”Come here, please. I want to talk to you.”
”Very well.”
Dorian, who looked as if he was heading for his part of the large workroom, stopped and came to stand next to Rudy. Rudy swiveled his chair around and looked up to face Dorian. He deliberately ignored the stain near Dorian’s mouth even if it kept pulling his attention in.
”Dorian – are you and John having sex?”
This time it couldn’t be Rudy’s imagination. Dorian was looking evasive and – almost – stunned. Rudy hated to put Dorian through this, but he hadn’t started this. John had. It was ridiculous to imagine Dorian taking the initiative to something like this. Impossible even. It would be like blaming a child for ‘coming on to’ a grown man in a pedophile case. Dorian couldn’t have any sex drive, even if he did have – Rudy serviced him so of course he knew – the possibility to perform sex in a way indistinguishable from the way a human would.
The pause went on for not quite as long as it seemed to in Rudy’s mind, but long enough. Again, Rudy thought it might be his imagination, but Dorian looked – odd – as if he was embarrassed by the question and was now resigning himself to answering it truthfully, since he was incapable of lying.
”Yes. How did you know?”
Rudy decided not to call Dorian’s attention to the stain on his face, and instead chose another option.
”I saw you tonight. In the car.”
”Oh. I had promised John not to tell you.”
”I thought so. But I noticed it, you didn’t have to tell me, so you haven’t broken your promise to John.”
”You are right.”
”Dorian – are you sure you want to do this?”
”John is my friend. If he wants me to do this, I want to do it for him.”
”You know you don’t have to. You should be allowed to choose for yourself.”
”Should the sexbots be allowed to choose too?”
That one hit Rudy straight in the face. He hadn’t known Dorian had been considering his admittedly pathetic sex life. And the worst part was that Dorian was right. Rudy actually shared Dorian’s opinion but he had deliberately chosen to ignore his own feelings in the interests of having a sex life, such as it was.
”You have a point there. I’m aware of my own double standards, but can we leave that aside for the moment and focus on you and your situation?”
”I choose to do this, Rudy. John is my friend and if this makes him happy I want to do it for him. You don’t need to help me in any way. It’s fine and – if you would like me to, I can do the same for you.”
”It’s not right. John doesn’t own you and neither do I.”
”In a way you do, since you work for the police department. I belong to them and so in theory at least, every one of them could ask me to do tasks for them.”
”In theory, yes. In practice whatever you do, must be to do with police work, not private favors such as sex or – I don’t know – moving furniture – or beating up jealous husbands. That’s not part of your job description. If we allowed that, soon someone’s kid might demand to use your ability to stream live radio so they can listen to music at a party. Specifically, you are working as John’s partner. Oh, and I’m fully aware of what might be going on between other police officers right now – but if so they are both human and can decide for themselves.”
”Are you saying that I am not capable of deciding for myself if I want to agree to my partner’s request for – personal favors?”
Rudy made a face. Dorian was too smart for him.
”No. That’s not what I’m saying. Ok, if you really are fine with this, then it’s ok for me too. I just wanted you to know that you have a choice. John can’t just tell you do this and you have to obey. It’s not police work. This is up to you.”
”Alright. I appreciate you caring about me, Rudy. And remember, if you want to have sex with me, just ask. I wouldn’t mind.”
”Ok, thanks, but I think I’ll pass. Maybe I should take this opportunity to try and start dating again. Who knows? There might be some really nerdy girl out there who’s actually dreaming of a really nerdy guy like me and then – I won’t have this problem anymore.”
”Rudy?”
”Yes?”
”Is this something to be ashamed of? Should I be embarrassed? Would a human be?”
What? Where did this come from? Did it seem as if he was actually implying that Dorian had done something to be ashamed of? That definitely hadn’t been his intention.
”No. Absolutely not. You don’t need to be ashamed or embarrassed. If a human would be – is more complicated. Sometimes we’re illogical. For instance – if I had been involved with someone – unexpected, like a man or a married woman or someone a whole lot older or – you know – what most people would consider unusual – then I would be embarrassed. Not ashamed, but – embarrassed.”
”I see. Should John be embarrassed?”
”That is complicated too. Since you insist that you’re doing this of your own free will, then no. It’s fine. I was surprised he was into a male, but that’s nothing to be embarrassed about really, or ashamed. But if he had used his position as your partner and a human to demand that you do this, against your will, then definitely it would have been something to be ashamed of.”
”I see. Good. I thought that was the case, but you would know better.”
”Ok. Good. Just remember, I’m your friend too and if you are wondering about something, don’t hesitate to ask.”
”Thank you, Rudy, I will.”
”And – since John didn’t want you to talk about this, don’t tell him we did. He’ll just get angry and there’s no point in that.”
”Very well. I won’t tell him. Thank you, Rudy, for being my friend.”
”Thank you. Oh, ok, this isn’t working out. I’ve been trying and I can’t keep quiet anymore. Go and wipe your face you have some – stuff on your face.”
”Oh, thank you. I will. Since we did it in the car, I haven’t had time to clean myself afterwards. I hope it doesn’t bother you too much.”
”No, it’s fine.”
Rudy thought Dorian would forgive him for lying. Humans did that. Indulged in little white lies to smooth social relations. His conscience could definitely take such a small lie.
Even though he trusted Dorian not to tell John, about their conversation, Rudy was a bit concerned about John finding out anyway. After all, he had a tendency to be really harsh. Rudy was pretty sure he wasn’t considered a friend by John, even though he considered John one, despite everything. Also, he knew he had to give Dorian priority, since he, as a bot, was so helpless, compared to a human.
For a few weeks, Rudy really thought his and Dorian’s conversation had escaped John’s notice and was beginning to – almost – forget about the incident. He had put a stop to his own encounters with sexbots, at least for the time being. Now that Dorian had forced it to his attention, he knew that part of him had been bothered by the idea of using the sexbots regardless of what they wanted. Programming them to ‘think’ that they accepted what was done to them, was cheating, Rudy knew that. If they had been allowed as much ‘free will’ as Dorian – but not the other police bots – who knew what they might have chosen?
Then one night, John burst into Rudy’s place, followed by Dorian who seemed to be pleading with him.
”There you are.”
His tone was every bit as harsh as Rudy had feared in the event that John had found reason to take offense about something – most likely Rudy’s conversation with Dorian.
Rudy opened his mouth to reply, but was interrupted before he had time say anything. And as it turned out, John wasn’t addressing Rudy.
”I thought I asked you to keep this to yourself. Now I find that you’ve told Rudy.”
”I -”
”Dorian didn’t tell me anything. I saw you two in the car.”
John turned to face Rudy with a look that made Rudy want to run and hide.
”You were spying on me? On us?”
”No. I had just unpacked a box and -”
”You know what? Never mind. I don’t want to hear it. What gives you the right to get involved in a personal matter?”
”I haven’t become ‘involved’. When I noticed what you were doing I wanted to make sure Dorian knew what rights he had. He assured me this is entirely voluntary on his part and I accepted that. I would never have brought it up with you in conversation.”
”So you’ve known for a long time? Several weeks?”
”Yes, something like that.”
”And all that time you’ve been judging me.”
”No. How can I? As Dorian pointed out I don’t exactly have a clean record when it comes to sex and bots. I’m not judging anyone.”
”But you thought you could go behind my back and talk to Dorian about – us?”
”Dorian is my friend.”
”And I’m not?”
”I consider you a friend, John, yes. But do you consider me one?”
That silenced John for just a moment. He even looked less angry for a second, but nothing could keep his anger down for long.
”Yes, but – oh, never mind. Just stay out of my business.”
”Ok. I’m sorry you feel this way.”
”I’ll bet you are.”
John turned on his heel and headed for the door. Dorian stopped him in his tracks.
”John – don’t be upset with Rudy. He is my friend too. I don’t want to have to choose sides. You are both my friends. Accept it.”
John stared at Dorian for a while, then scowled and shook himself.
”Fine. Whatever. See you at work tomorrow.”
He slammed the door shut behind him.
Rudy made a face.
”That went well.”
”Do you really think so?”
”No. That was irony.”
”I suspected that. At least John did not strike you.”
Rudy shuddered. That was one possibility he had feared and Dorian was right: it was a good thing. Not that John had any right to hit him, just because he didn’t like what he had just found out. Even if he didn’t consider him a friend.
”Yes, there’s that. I’m sorry that you got caught in the middle.”
”It’s fine. I know what John is like. I’m used to him.”
”So am I, unfortunately. Well, it’s probably for the best that he knows I know. As you say, I’m your friend too and we have the right to talk about things to do with – anything we like. Remember that.”
”John has started treating me better. More like a human. I think it is because of our relationship.”
Rudy started a little when he realized that Dorian wasn’t referring to their status as partners, but as – lovers – but that was fine. Dorian had the right to get involved with anyone he wanted, as far as Rudy was concerned. He just couldn’t see how anyone would want to be involved with someone as rude and abrasive as John. Also, Rudy couldn’t see how any presumably straight guy would want to have sex with another guy, but then Dorian wasn’t quite a man either. Supposedly that would be what John was thinking. Rudy caught himself wondering how this weird affair had started. What had started it. He fought with himself and his better self won and he kept himself from asking Dorian outright. But he would have loved to have known.
”That’s good. Oh, well, let’s hope this is the last we hear about this. I don’t want any more trouble. Wait – it’s not your fault, Dorian. I consider John completely responsible.”
”So do I. John has a problem with anger. It’s a shame, but denying it won’t help him. I have tried to speak to him about it. Now that he is not taking his drug anymore, he is getting better at it, I think.”
”Oh. I had noticed he was taking something.”
”So had I. I analysed his skin and found out what it was and confronted him about it.”
”How did that go?”
”In the end, he accepted that he had to see the department doctor and got some other medication.”
”Right. Good for you.”
Privately, Rudy thought it was a shame that Dorian had to give John sexual favors to be treated a little more decently, but knew it was no use discussing that with Dorian so he kept the observation to himself. If only John would keep his anger in check, they might just be able to get on with their lives. In a way, it really was odd that his best friend was a bot. The way he and John worked together, it wouldn’t have been strange if they had become close friends, but Rudy had no illusions about John. He most likely saw his tech savvy colleague as little more than a ridiculous nerd or even dork. No respect to be expected there. At least Dorian was different that way.
”Good night, Rudy.”
”Good night, Dorian. We’re lucky to have you, you know.”
”Thank you, Rudy. I consider myself lucky to be your friend too. And John’s.”
Rudy smiled, not knowing how to deal with the compliment. John would laugh at his awkwardness, but John was hardly one to pride himself on his own smooth behavior so maybe it wasn’t anything to worry about. At least the dreaded fight hadn’t come about. John would have to learn to deal with the situation in private, even if he would never learn to treat others with more respect than he already did.
How odd, though – this whole thing between him and Dorian. Oh, well, life was full of mysteries. This was just one more of them. Time to get stuck into some new project. Fortunately, Rudy’s life was full of fascinating tech-related projects so keeping busy was no problem. And maybe one day he would meet a techie girl and his other problem would work out too.
FIN
© Tonica