| Primary Characters: | Beverly Crusher, Tom Riker |
| Rating: | M |
| Spoilers: | Some |
| Warning: | adult themes |
| Description: | Beverly leaves the Enterprise, looking for something more. Eventually she ends up in the Ixos system and runs into a man who looks very familiar. |
She had never really thought about her life after the Enterprise. Most of the time, she just focused on her work. Now that her son was grown up, he didn’t need her anymore. As the years went by, she had grown to realize that Jean-Luc Picard would never be the one for her. She had seen someone else she might have developed feelings for, but he hadn’t shown any interest, beyond mere physical attraction. Besides, now he belonged to someone else. That someone else was even a close friend of hers, Deanna Troi. It couldn’t have happened to nicer people, but Beverly Crusher was still alone. Her husband was gone and had been most of the years she’d been raising her son.
In the end, she suddenly woke up one morning and realized that her mind was made up. It was time for her to move on. To start her life over. Find something for herself. So she resigned from Star Fleet and began to look for somewhere to go. Working on a starship, especially one like the Enterprise, was incredibly rewarding. She had so many positive memories from her time there. On the other hand, when it was time to go, her sense of belonging was only holding her back.
It was time she found out for herself what she wanted to do with her life. There was an entire galaxy out there and many parts of it were open to her. So she would go and see what was out there and find out if maybe there was a place for her somewhere. If not, she would make one for herself.
Her former colleagues didn’t understand, but that couldn’t hold her back. She did her best to explain, but found that most of them were too deeply entrenched in Star Fleet. They would feel homeless, anywhere else. Suddenly, she pitied them. She was more than this. Could do more. Wanted more. Even after all these years, she had many good years ahead or her and she was determined to put them to good use.
On the day she was leaving, only Jean-Luc and Deanna came to wave her off. She didn’t blame the others. They had work to do. She had already said her goodbyes, but there was no denying she appreciated seeing her best friends seeing her off one last time.
”Are you sure you won’t change your mind?”
”No, Jean-Luc, it’s too late for that. I need this. For a long time, working here on the Enterprise was all I wanted from life. Then I came to realize that I’ve changed. I want more.”
”I see. I’m going to miss you. We’re all going to miss you.”
”I’ll miss you too.”
She leaned over and kissed his cheek. There was a time, quite a long time ago, when she’d felt, or thought she’d felt something more than mere friendship. Not anymore. Jean-Luc’s face underwent a transformation, but she no longer interpreted that as love. Secretly, she suspected he was merely slightly embarrassed.
”Deanna -”
”Oh, Beverly. I’ll miss you so much.”
”You’ll be fine. Don’t stay too long. Take Will and go – back to Betazed or wherever you want.”
Deanna nodded, looking pensive. Then she reached out and pulled her friend into her arms one last time.
”Take care, all of you.”
”You too. Keep in touch.”
”I will, when I can.”
Beverly stepped onto the transporter pad and waited. A few seconds later she was on her way, on the first leg of her journey.
Her first stop was station 4294, which was nowhere special. Just a place to wait a few days for the next ship to take her further. Her first real stop was Deep Space Nine.
She briefly visited her colleague Julian Bashir. He was brilliant and it was a pleasure to stay a few days and exchange new findings. Even so, she was impatient to be on her way. Under different circumstances, she might have made her home here on DS9. Now, it felt – too late for her. She wanted something different.
When she got on the next ship, she felt content. She hadn’t found her place yet, but she was on her way.
The days on the different ships, she spent checking the records for somewhere that could hold her interest. Since she had been working for years, with only shorter leaves of absence, she decided to view this as a long overdue vacation and didn’t mind the time that passed. If only she eventually found a home for herself, in the meantime, she would just relax and enjoy the journey.
She stopped on one of the other Deep Space stations for a few weeks, but in the end, she knew she hadn’t found that place, the one she was looking for.
Once she found a very interesting little moon, where after the war, some refugees, had created a new and very dynamic community. It was self-sufficient and self-supporting and the people there seemed happy and well-adjusted, despite their respective traumatic pasts. Beverly found it fascinating and found herself staying on for months. In the end, she felt she’d learned enough and decided to be on her way. She wasn’t disappointed but now she knew she was getting impatient again. Somewhere out there, there had to be a place she could call home and perhaps even more importantly, a job that she would enjoy doing.
Then one day, she heard of the Ixos system and though she had no idea why, she found herself being drawn there. Out of curiosity or something more.
She decided that there was no reason not to go there and find out for herself if there was something for her or not.
Ixos, the main planet, was actively welcoming both visitors and settlers, and so did the other planets, moons and stations. There was an atmosphere of hope and a great deal of belief in the future.
Beverly rented an apartment and got a temporary job as a general practitioner. She had been led to believe that there would be plenty of opportunities for a doctor with her reputation so if she wanted to stay, she would be made welcome, as was almost everyone – except for criminals and troublemakers.
In the capital, there was a bar that was owned by a Ferengi from Deep Space Nine. She’d actually heard of Quark but had no interest in visiting a bar, so she had never intended to go there. It was just an interesting fact to note. Maybe you could say that it was a small world or rather a small galaxy, after all.
It didn’t take her long to realize that there were more ex-Star Fleet employees than herself. Everyone seemed to be coming to Ixos. That didn’t necessarily mean she would like it there, but somehow she found herself being infected with the optimism most settlers here seemed to feel. She couldn’t help being carried away by their enthusiasm.
Ixos had no natives, not even plant life, but the system had been terraformed and developed early on, then all but abandoned, because the economy suffered during the war. But it was too good a place to leave for good. Especially now that there was so much hope for the future. Even if it was extremely remote and distant, and for their time, quite cut off from the rest of the galaxy.
Beverly found that the inhabitants didn’t mind that at all. Most had come for that very reason – wanting to be self-sufficient and self-reliant. She felt that this was a unique opportunity to build something new, even something for herself.
Despite that, she soon felt alone and cut off from everyone else. Maybe she was too used to her comfortable life, steeped in routines. On the other hand, she felt no wish to leave. She’d been traveling for long enough.
One night, she ran into a handsome man, who looked strangely familiar. She couldn’t believe her eyes.
”Will?”
The man turned to face her, a smile on his face.
”Beverly Crusher?”
”Yes.”
”Tom Riker. Will’s – double.”
”Oh. Of course.”
”It seems everyone comes here eventually. Very nice to see you again. We never had a chance to have that dinner last time we met. If you remember -”
Beverly suddenly did. It was right after she’d found out about Will and Worf and – but that was beside the point. His double, Tom Riker, had shown up and tried to take her to dinner. Since the gossip on the Enterprise had recently informed her that apparently Will and Ro and Tom had something going on between them, she’d refused, blaming her work. She’d always been busy, but if she’d wanted to, she could have made the time. What really annoyed her was that despite what she knew about the Rikers, she had still been tempted and she couldn’t accept that.
”Yes, I remember.”
”How about now?”
Of course, he’d waste no time. She was still tempted, but she wouldn’t let herself be ruled by anything but rational reasons. On the other hand, this time, she saw no reason not to accept and find out more about Tom.
”Is Will here too?”
”Will? No. Just me, I’m afraid. I just heard that he’s marrying the lovely Deanna.”
”Yes, I was invited to the wedding. That was before I left on my journey.”
”I would have been there too, but – by the time I got the message, it was too late to get back there in time.”
”Oh. Well, it was a lovely wedding.”
”I’m glad to hear it. So you’re here to stay?”
Beverly’s eyes narrowed. Was that really Tom Riker’s business? They’d only just met and she still didn’t know him very well.
”I’ll see. It’s a great place. Very promising. What about you?”
”Oh, I’m a rolling stone, unlike dear old Will, but for now, I’m staying. Like you say, it’s a great place. So how about that dinner?”
”Why not?”
”Excellent. If you don’t mind, I’ll book a table at Quark’s for us.”
Beverly made a face, then reconsidered. Why shouldn’t she have dinner at the most popular place in the city? It would be different than just hanging out in a bar.
”Right. See you soon.”
”I’ll try to get a table for 8 tonight, if that’s alright with you?”
”Yes, it’s fine.”
”I’ll let you know.”
Reluctantly, she gave him her contact info. About an hour later Tom got in touch with her to say that dinner would at the time he’d suggested. Quark was giving them their best table. She had a vague impression he knew Quark personally. Somehow, she was not surprised.
Despite her misgivings, dinner was pleasant and she found herself warming up to Tom. He was charming and naturally had a lot in common with Will. For a long time, she’d been secretly attracted to Will, and once, under exceptional circumstances, she had even been to bed with him. Unfortunately, partially due to the special circumstances of their meeting, but also others, nothing had ever come of that and now Will was happily involved with her best friend Deanna. She hadn’t forgotten about the complicated relationship between Tom and Ro and – weirdly – Will, but that in itself didn’t necessarily mean she couldn’t trust Tom. As long as she could trust him, there was no need to moralize. It wasn’t as if Tom and Will were actually brothers, and even if they had been, she liked to think that she was not a prejudiced woman. She, as a medical professional and a modern woman, had to be open to much that might seem alien to herself, personally.
”So – can I be rude and ask you what you’re doing out here? What you’re looking for?”
Beverly came to the conclusion that there was nothing secret about her decision.
”I felt that I’d had enough of my old life. Nothing happened, nothing was wrong. It was just that I gradually came to the conclusion that I wanted more. Something different. I went traveling through the galaxy, hoping to find something else, and I think I may have found it here. This seems to be a very dynamic and promising environment.”
”It is. Even though I can’t say I’m completely serious about settling down, I sense that this is a very – special place. If I do decide to settle down, I will definitely do it here. Besides, I have many good friends here.”
”Oh. I was surprised that there are so many former Star Fleet officers.”
”Maybe you’re not alone in wanting to find something new.”
She nodded pensively. Maybe this was a time in which many people went off in search of something new. She sensed that this might be a time everyone would remember afterwards, both for its search for something better, but also for what all these people achieved when they put their minds to it. Of course she could be wrong. If so, she was sure she’d find something for herself anyway. Every time, almost, had something that would appeal to those living in it. Suddenly, she felt a lot less alone, not because she’d run into Tom, but because she realized she was beginning to feel at home here. If she didn’t meet anyone special, she’d be fine on her own. It was enough to be exploring and getting to know an entirely new place. Everything was new and hopeful.
The rest of the evening, the conversation flowed freely, and Tom didn’t try to hit on her. At the end of the evening, she almost felt a little disappointed. She had come to expect that sort of thing from him. He did, however want to see her again.
”I’m here most evenings. If you drop by I’ll buy you a drink. And I’d love to have dinner again some time.”
”Me too. I don’t usually go to bars, but – why not? I might come back here some time.”
”Great. Looking forward to that.”
On her way out, she almost ran into a young man who seemed to be glaring at her. Surely she was imagining things? Why should that young man who didn’t even know her, have reason to resent her? Though she couldn’t help noticing that the young man sat down at Tom’s table. Tom didn’t seem to be surprised, but she thought she detected a wary look, or even – though she had to be imagining this – one that was slightly apologetic. Was there anything going on between them? Again, it wouldn’t surprise her. If she found that Tom was actually seriously involved with that young man, she would back out. She didn’t want any drama.
A few days later, she met a woman who was starting a project that would be studying the effects of long-term space travel and other aspects of humanity’s extended travels into the universe, away from their home planets. All kinds of aspects of life in space would be covered and someone like Beverly Crusher, renowned expert in most of these fields, would be welcome to join them. Beverly was flattered, there was no question about it, but more than that, she was intrigued. This was exactly the sort of work she’d be interested in doing full time. She only needed a day to think it over and got back in touch with the project leader the same evening and accepted.
So she resigned from her other post and waited for the project to begin. In the meantime, she had plenty of reading material to prepare herself.
For at least a week, she sat on her own couch, her nose buried in the documention. She forgot all about Tom Riker and the potential sordid drama that he might or might not be involved in. Then she received a live message from him and shrugged and accepted it. Maybe it was time for a break.
”Hello. Remember me?”
The flirtatious smile on his face made her react and despite herself she returned the smile. A break might be just what she needed.
”Hello. Yes, I seem to recall – Sorry, I’ve been busy with work.”
”Oh. I was wondering if you’d like to join me and a couple of friends for dinner tonight.”
She didn’t have any objections. The padds with info could wait. Her project wouldn’t start until next month and she had only started reading out of curiousity. There was no real need to prepare herself.
”Thanks. I’d like that.”
Tom looked pleased and a little surprised.
”Great. 9? Would that suit you?”
”Yes. Where? At Quark’s again?”
”Yes – unless you have any objections?”
”Now why would I object? I just adore scantily dressed dabo girls and dabo tables.”
Tom laughed easily.
”If you really mind, we can always go somewhere else. Maybe to my place?”
”No, it’s fine. Why don’t we get a table on the second floor, away from the – entertainment.”
”No problem. Besides, there are, in case you hadn’t noticed, scantily dressed dabo boys as well. It’s all very equal opportunity.”
”Oh, I can imagine that Quark is a great supporter of equality.”
Tom laughed again.
”I should think not, but – really – you’d be surprised – I have heard rumors that he actually lost his position on DS9 because he was helping refugees, almost entirely without any self-interest.”
”Really? I find that hard to believe, but then again, it’s none of my business. I try not to judge other people.”
”That’s a fine sentiment. I never judge others either – well, hardly ever anyway. There are limits even to my tolerance – never mind. So I’ll see you at 9?”
”Definitely.”
”Looking forward to it.”
”Me too. I need a break.”
Beverly was surprised to find Tom sitting at a large table with several people she’d never seen before – or had she? She found one of the men awfully familiar. Julian Bashir? How had her colleague ended up out here? That was quite a coincidence. There was also a Cardassian. Beverly frowned in surprise. She was betting there was a story behind that. Some of the others, maybe all, now that she was looking more closely, looked like former Star Fleet officers. Maybe it was inevitable that they’d all run into each other.
Since she was looking more closely, she recognized the younger man who she had run into on the way out the last time she’d met Tom for dinner. He was staring hard at Tom, then casting a chilly gaze on her as she approached the table.
Tom caught sight of her and his face lit up.
”Listen everyone, this is Beverly Crusher.”
”Hello.”
”Let me introduce all my friends. This is Garak – from DS9.”
”Oh. Garak. I just came from DS9.”
”I see, my reputation precedes me. If you would like to visit my little tailor’s shop, I can promise you there are plenty of lovely fabrics and even one or two ready made dresses that I believe you might like.”
”I’ll – think about it.”
His tailoring skills were not what she’d heard people talking about back on DS9, but she hadn’t really expected him to introduce himself as a spy or – whatever else he might be.
”This is Captain Julian Bashir, from – far away from here.”
”Just Julian these days. I don’t hold any formal rank anymore.”
”Captain Julian Bashir? Not Doctor?”
”Ah, you’ve met my double from this universe. I hope he’s in excellent health.”
”Yes, I only just met him a few months ago. He was doing fine.”
”Wonderful.”
”And this is Sunee Khun Depigny. Translator and interpreter and brilliant linguist in general.”
”Pleased to meet you, ms Depigny.”
”Pleased to meet you too, Dr Crusher.”
”And my good friends Ryan Connor and Terry Byrne.”
Beverly nodded amiably at the handsome young men. Terry Byrne’s eyes still held a hostile expression when he looked at her, that couldn’t just be her imagination. So there was something going on between them. She should have known. And of course Tom didn’t see anything wrong with seeing two or more people at the same time. What a pity she did. Maybe she was an old-fashioned moralist after all. Ryan looked – slightly unstable, frankly, but if she wasn’t mistaken, he was involved with Sunee and that might have a calming influence on him.
”Our friends from Voyager aren’t here tonight, but I’m sure they’re looking forward to meeting you, Beverly.”
”Voyager? Oh, another Star Fleet vessel.”
”Yes. There’s a whole motley crowd from there. Several of them from Earth, just like you and also a few former Borg, a half Ktateran child, a Bajoran kid, a lovely half Klingon lady and her husbands, both from Earth, I might add. Like I said, a very motley group. I’m sure you’d find them interesting.”
”I must say they do sound very interesting.”
”Please.”
Tom pulled out a chair and gestured for her to sit down. She joined the others, with mixed feelings. On the one hand, she thought she’d enjoy getting to know these new people, even if the Cardassian was a little sinister. And the man from another universe? She would say this was a motley group as well.
Dinner turned out to be pleasant and just as interesting as Tom had promised. But she was irritated with herself for allowing herself to almost give into the temptation of falling for this guy who obviously didn’t know anything about commitment. Not that she was ready for a really long-term commitment just yet, but – sleeping around with several different people – that wasn’t for her, or even being involved with someone who did. That would be too emotionally uncertain for her taste. She was thinking of turning Tom down, the next time he asked her out.
After dinner, Tom followed her out, seemingly intent on walking her home. Under other circumstances she would have liked that. Now, she felt a little annoyed that he was still so attentive. He had no right to be pursuing her while he was still seeing someone else. She decided to sound him out.
”Tom – that young man in there. Terry? Is there something going on between you? He – seems to feel he has reason to resent me.”
”Oh, you noticed. I’m sorry. Well, there was something between us for a short while, more than a year ago. I’m afraid he’s not over me yet. It was never serious, not on my part and I don’t believe it was really serious on his part either. You may not have noticed, but he’s quite – attracted to both Ryan and Sunee – which of course is a hopeless situation. They’ll never return his feelings. I blame myself for not seeing how emotionally unstable Terry really is. You may have picked up something from Ryan – Terry’s been his best buddy and protector for years – but also – well, you know. Terry’s not completely stable either. Too many wars.”
Tom looked sad. He was right. Beverly had seen too much suffering herself, over the years, even before the wars. At least most of that was behind them now.
”I see.”
”I’m completely unattached at the moment. Though you may be right to be wary. I told you, I’m a rolling stone. And flighty when it comes to relationships, but if anything about my feelings for you change, I swear I’ll let you know right away. I’m not the sort of guy to cheat. Boy scout’s honor.”
His smile made it hard for Beverly to resist. And hadn’t she already admitted to herself that she wasn’t after a really long-term commitment? This might be just what she needed.
She laughed, then nodded.
”I appreciate that. There – hasn’t been anyone in my life for a long time, not seriously.”
”I know you’re a widow and I heard something about you and Captain Picard -”
”No, not really. Not like that. For a time there might have been something – but – no.”
”I see. I also heard on the grapevine that there might have been something very briefly between you and my double.”
She started. Was that common knowledge among the Enterprise crew? She had foolishly believed no one had noticed. That trill and symbiont – All that had been emotionally upsetting for her, even though the situation had allowed her to indulge her curiosity about Will. Time to turn the tables on Tom now. If he could surprise her, so could she.
”Funny. I could say the same about you.”
Tom’s reaction was extremely satisfying. He looked stunned, then slightly sheepish, then finally, he tried to recover a little of his dignity by turning that patented charmer’s smile on her.
”So you’ve heard about that. It’s not like you think. And anyway, Will and I aren’t really brothers so -”
”As I told you before, I try not to judge. I just – thought it might be good to get everything out into the open.”
”You’re right. It’s a good idea. But if we’re going to be discussing former partners of mine or Will’s – since for most of our lives – we were one and the same – we’d be here for weeks.”
”As many as that?”
She smiled again. Somehow it was impossible to be offended or shocked at Tom’s candidness.
He shrugged.
”I’m afraid so. I realize that might not be exactly in my favor, but I believe in total truthfulness.”
”So do I, though I’m afraid I don’t have that much to share with you on that topic. Ok, I’ll give in to my curiosity just once and ask you about that thing with Will.”
”Oh, it’s an old male fantasy – having sex with oneself.”
Beverly’s eyes widened. That wasn’t what she’d been asking, but of course it was interesting all the same.
”No, I mean, you said ‘it’s not like you think’. What did you mean by that?”
”Oh. Well, I don’t mind telling you – Will told me it was alright, after a while – it was a bet. With Ro. Do you remember Ro Laren? She and Will were getting involved and they had this little game going on between them. A bet. She bet him that if he slept with three completely unexpected or farfetched people, she’d – be agreeable to his attentions.”
”Nicely put. And who were these three people? Apart from you, because that’s what you were hinting at, weren’t you?”
”Ok, brace yourself. The first was Data. Will had no trouble there, I might add. Data is very accommodating.”
”I see. That might have been good to know while I was still on the Enterprise.”
Tom smiled at her half-joking remark.
”Then Worf.”
”Oh, so that’s why -”
”He told me you came to patch him up afterwards.”
”I never could see why he would have – Now I get it. A bet? It seems the two of you are more alike than I thought.”
Too late, she realized she might have offended Tom, but it didn’t look that way. Instead he laughed and nodded.
”After all, we were the same person for most of our lives.”
”True.”
”And -”
”Then Picard.”
This time, Beverly’s eyes shot up and she felt completely stunned. Surely Tom was joking.
”No, really? Jean-Luc can’t have -”
”You’re absolutely right. He didn’t even understand what poor Will was hinting at so desperately.”
”I thought so.”
She felt relieved, not because she at one time had almost harbored romantic feelings for Jean-Luc, but because if he had agreed to sleep with Will, she would have realized she didn’t know him at all.
”Exactly. So Will went back to Ro and she gave him an alternative. Me. And I didn’t want to be the one to – ruin his chances.”
”How very noble of you.”
”Oh, I didn’t mind too much. It was interesting, like I told you before. And afterwards, Ro was very appreciative of both of us.”
”So that was why -”
”It didn’t last very long. Less than a week, if I remember correctly. As far as I was concerned. Will probably stuck with it for almost a year. After the war, I think she went back to Bajor. Besides, there was really only ever Deanna for Will, despite everything.”
”That explains a lot.”
Tom gazed seriously at her, looking as if there was more on his mind. What now? Had he been involved with anyone else from her past? She couldn’t at the moment imagine who, but thought he might have had some luck with Data, since he referred to him as ‘accommodating’.
”What?”
”Are we alright now? You don’t mind? I know I must be – different from what you’re used to – but I swear to you, there’s no one else for me. Not now. And like I said, I never cheat. I’m all about honesty.”
”Oh. Yes, of course. Besides, I don’t know what you think about me, but – I’m not quite the frumpy old widow you might think me. Or prejudiced either. Like I told you, I try not to judge. Maybe I’m too insecure about – sharing a partner – but that’s all.”
”That’s up to you. I wouldn’t presume to try to pressure you. And like I said, I wouldn’t go behind your back. It’s completely up to you.”
”Thanks. Tom – when you say that Terry’s unstable – do you think he might get violent?”
”In this context? No. In – a violent situation, yes, he’s a bit prone to overreacting, but if you’re concerned he might attack you – even verbally – he won’t. I think he feels let down, but – when it happened – I told him that since there weren’t any other people in our lives at the time – we could have some fun. At the time, I thought he felt the same way. And like I told you, he’s really in love with Ryan and Sunee – so – I thought it would be simple. Just a bit of fun – Sorry. I didn’t mean to sound callous.”
”No, no. I can relate to ‘a bit of fun’. I’ve even had it occasionally in my life, believe it or not.”
”I hope there will be more of that in the future, for you.”
Beverly smiled. Maybe it was time to live a little more – frivolously. No one would give her a gold star for living – as a frumpy old widow. Whatever she did was her business. She answered to no one. And right now, Tom Riker was who she wanted. His – lifestyle – might even be good for her. She needed more fun in her life.
”Thanks. I hope so too.”
Tom leaned over and kissed her lightly. She found herself responding as if it hadn’t been – too many years, since the last time. Even if she was a fool to believe his easy explanations about his relations, but it was no one’s business but her own if she followed him home or let him follow her home. She wasn’t a kid anymore and her son was light years away.
A few minutes later, they were walking slowly back to his place. They stopped every few yards or so to kiss and hold each other. Beverly caught herself wondering what Will and Deanna would think about this, but decided it wasn’t any of their business either. This was just between her and Tom.
FIN
© Tonica